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drinking water like my life depends on it

I'm thinking about getting a massive cork-board and a lot of different colored pins and yarn to build elaborate conspiracy theories with, as a hobby ya know

kicking people off of high ledges into "The Pit" except it's a very large ball pit.

Google how to get people to pay attention to me without shouting fire in a hospital??

lewd, kitchen appliances, genital mutilation Show more

@healyn you exhibit the palate of a child and history will mock you for your ignorance..

me, trying to sound deep and meaningful: traffic is the worst

I mean, it’s not all is fair in love with cuties.
Others: omg lumb I love this so much and that one with the new instance is that so hard.

getting a pressure cooker because I only like kitchen utensils that can seriously injure me

There is no doubt in my mind that this is my best toot ever. It is you all who are wrong.

Me when it is slep o'clock for most of my friends: where is everybody

Sitting by the telephone waiting for a call so I can justify my anxiety.

here are some of the toots i thought of while i was away they’re all really bad

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The Lamp Institute

The Lamp Institute is an educational institution for those who have felt the drawn of its warm, soft light. The lamp is good. All hail the Lamp.

"I'm gay!"